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My own family making me feel downtrodden and left out in the world
10-03-2013, 05:31 PM (This post was last modified: 10-03-2013 05:31 PM by Indigo11.)
Post: #1
My own family making me feel downtrodden and left out in the world
I'm sorry for the long post, but I need your suggestions on this please.

I'm only 23 and feel left out. The reason I feel like this is simple, by my family.

So, I waffled around between 16-19, took a degree in Business, failed a couple of years and dropped out at 23. I've never had a supermarket job or passed my driving test. I had a fun time at college and university, but I'm doing my own thing. So at 23, I've achieved nothing wereas all of my younger cousins have graduated by 23.

My sister has had a job since she was 17 and has graduated now. She travels a lot too. I'm not comparing myself, but my family will, and they are already saying to me "why can't I be like my sister or go on holidays like her, ignoring the fact I had intense exams in my last degree"

I am going to go to a party on 31/3 this year and there will be a couple of older ladies I like but my aunties will be sitting by them and will just say when they ask about me "I am doing nothing, absolutely nothing", causing every other lady on that table to have low opinions of me. They will compare me with my sister, saying she is more successful than me.

The problem is, I'm a bit shy in front of my family and quiet. It doesn't help that my father doesn't even speak well about me. Some of my uncles and aunties are comparing me and are questioning my level of intelligence, social ability and even the chances of getting a good women as well as do I even have a life?

MY AUNTIES don't even say what am I going to do or doing! They could at least ask me what I'm going to do or what are my ambitions, they never say this! So they may hold the opinion I'm wasting my life. Its hard because rumours are going to go around with me.

My family don't really smile at me to say hello or make eye-contact while saying goodbye. They hardly mention 'my name' which suggests they don't hold me of any importance. I just came back to visit my grandma in hospital and none of my uncles and aunties made eye-contact or said bye when I was leaving in the hospital.

So this is why I feel left out in the world.

Your suggestions appreciated.
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10-03-2013, 07:21 PM (This post was last modified: 10-03-2013 07:21 PM by Icemaiden.)
Post: #2
RE: My own family making me feel downtrodden and left out in the world
Sounds like a normal family to me.

The whole "Why can't you be more like your sister" is the same thing said in almost all households... or brother for those of us who don't have a sister... which makes you think your family are not proud of you..... then you get older relatives who see you very little appearing to not have a clue what you do with your life....

Then of course you have the tactless relatives who mean well.... but who point out an array of things that make you feel like complete and utter poop.... and the truth is, they often do mean well... they are just very tactless and don't think before speaking .

And with me, I even have the alcoholic relative who loves to get plastered and remind you every mistake you have ever made in your life, as well as give an opinion on what everyone in the family thinks of you.. even those who are dead.

At the end of the day, families are families... and even the most normal of families have these kinds of issues.....

All you can do is smile in the right places... nod when and if you feel it is required, and let it all go over their head... because one day you will know where your life is going, and you will have your partner on your arm, a nice home, maybe even kids... and they will still be exactly where they are now.... and you get to smile with a little bit of smug satisfaction.

Seriously, you can't let stuff like this get you down, because at the end of the day, it will end up driving you crazy. You can pick your friends but you can't pick your family...

Life is a shipwreck but we must not forget to sing in the lifeboats. ~Voltaire
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10-03-2013, 11:01 PM
Post: #3
RE: My own family making me feel downtrodden and left out in the world
if theres one thing i did learn in life its trust yr intuition. You know its not right they treat you in such a way, therefore, i would point out to them, not in a cross way at all, just calmly with no heated emotion watsover, that everytime they say something you do not like, or look at you in a way you do not like, or ignore, you should say, do you know it really hurts my feelings when you compare me to my sister, i have my degree etc, or i really dont appreciate it when you talk about my sister as if she means more to you than i do etc. if you can master your assertiveness, without getting cross one tiny bit, but saying exactly how these things make you feel, well i think that will lead you a good stead in life xx best of luck
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