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Ok I would like some advice
01-04-2012, 06:19 PM
Post: #1
Ok I would like some advice
I know that there are people on here waiting for an ex to come back where a third party is not involved. How do people cope when there is a third party involved because you then have to 2nd guess the reactions of two other people. Do you just think ok you chose them so bye bye or what? How do you keep the faith, because at times I lose mine and if it wasn't for my child I would have waved the white flag long ago. Any advice would be helpful.
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01-04-2012, 06:50 PM
Post: #2
RE: Ok I would like some advice
I think you need to really think if you still want the ex or if it is simply because of the child. And do you still feel the same can you forgive?
Are you the same person are they? Then perhaps it is about not second guessing but accepting they have rightly or wrongly made that choice and this may or may not change. It would seem that it is important that you are civil because of the child but equally your needs are vital and perhaps at the very least trying to see is as time off to try different things and do that which is difficult in a relationship is what to focus on for the moment.
We can't know how another will behave..we can only choose how we will. But right now your healing and finding a way to get rid of the anger and your happiness are important. Perhaps if you cannot in your heart or mind see it as over for ever..see it as over for the next six months..so you break it down into mangeable chunks that allow you to take it step by step and address any changes in your self or and the situation..sometimes breaking things down can put you back in power and give your self time lines..rather than feeling you are at the mercy of your heart and another's behaviour..and perhaps plan an adventure. I know that when people do me wrong I think vengeance is happiness..I do not mean I become The Godfather! I mean that if i can make my self as happy as possible..it shows both me and the other how strong I am..
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01-04-2012, 10:18 PM
Post: #3
RE: Ok I would like some advice
I remember reading an article a few years back about how there are steps to a relationship break up in regards to healing and moving on. It was really interesting as it highlights that in many ways its like getting over a death, you have to allow yourself time to process all the emotions and to really work out where it is you see you and your life going.

I split with my ex 3 and a bit years ago. He had an affair, I found out very early on, and instead of trying to resolve it I ended the relationship and made him leave. A short while later I thought I regretted making him leave and set out to get him back. I was pretty stupid and did spells and all sorts, which always brought him back in contact, but I generally managed to cause a row when he got back in touch. I was pretty angry.. after all, he hadn't just had an affair, he had an affair with someone who was older than me, a lot larger than me, and who wasn't what you would consider very attractive. Honestly, even his family were shocked at his choice..... but she owned her own house and could give him something I couldn't.. financial security and a mortgage.... and he openly admitted to me that was why he was with her.

I soon realised that I wanted him back for the wrong reasons. Partly because we had a child together, but the main reason I wanted him back was so I could go up to that woman and laugh in her face (at least I am honest). it was pride spurring in me on. And thankfully I realised this quite quickly.

It was upsetting when they got engaged, upsetting when they got married, but to be honest, she is welcome to him, because if he really wanted me and his family, he would be with us and not her.... and you know what, that is one of the most hurtful things to have to face and deal with..... but I faced it head on... and now my life is so much better without him in it.... honestly... I wouldn't have him back if he came back here tomorrow begging me...... and the really sad thing is, I know that he genuinely loved me.... and I think he still does...... but he had his chance to come back, and was too busy feeling really put out and angry that I had thrown him out, and decided to dig his heels in and move in with the woman he had been seeing for no more than 6 weeks *sigh*

Obviously this is my story and this is how I dealt with it all. Just think to yourself whether the relationship and your ex is worth it..... or is there someone out there who can give you the type of relationship that you want and deserve. There is life after an ex.... and sometimes things have to fall apart for better things to come together.... at some point you have to ask yourself whether you are holding out for something that is really going to happen, or whether in a year or two years time you will still be in the same position?

And I mean no offense by what I have put..... :-)

Life is a shipwreck but we must not forget to sing in the lifeboats. ~Voltaire
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02-04-2012, 01:28 AM (This post was last modified: 02-04-2012 01:29 AM by Icemaiden.)
Post: #4
RE: Ok I would like some advice
I came back to this because I think you have answered your own question YEICBH...... you would have thrown in the white flag long ago if it wasn't for your child.

In an ideal world children would grow up with their mum and dad and everyone would live happily ever after, but as we all know, this isn't an ideal world and relationships do break down..... and your child will be much happier with happy parents who are apart, than unhappy parents if they were together.

The hardest thing is letting go and moving on...... because its almost like you want the person back and that literally consumes your thoughts and stops you having to deal with the end of the relationship (if that makes sense)

I see relationships that don't work out as stepping stones. Every relationship in our lives is just one stepping stone closer to the one we are meant to be with. Of course, we can choose to stay still and never move on to the next stepping stone...... after all, we all have choices. But when we do, quite often we find that we soon reach the end goal, and that is the relationship that we deserve. And that's a really important word, because we all deserve to be in a happy relationship with someone who loves us as much as we love them, who respects us, and who we can grow with. :-)

Life is a shipwreck but we must not forget to sing in the lifeboats. ~Voltaire
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02-04-2012, 10:12 AM
Post: #5
RE: Ok I would like some advice
Great responses and to quote John Healey we must always be ready for the new because the new always appears. I will not be here in 2 years as I know that the end game is coming about soon.(I don't mean happily ever after either) My situation in my early readings was castles in the air, being told what I wanted to hear rather than what was needed. Since reading with Russell he has predicted about 70% of what has come to pass. He has supported this with good advice and I am now realistic as to what is really possible. Often the best scenario in this is to get the friendship to survive so that we can just get on. As for my daughter I think it is better to come from a broken home than to live in one. Thanks for your help.
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02-04-2012, 11:51 AM
Post: #6
RE: Ok I would like some advice
It took me and my ex a while, but we now get on fairly well..... he phones about our son.... pays his money on time, sees him now and again (his choice, he has as much access as he wants but chooses to only see now and again *sigh*).. and it all ticks along nicely.

This is why I believe psychic readings should be seen as a guide..... and that ultimately, we should all make up our own minds about situations we are in :-)

Life is a shipwreck but we must not forget to sing in the lifeboats. ~Voltaire
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