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How long is too long
11-04-2012, 10:06 AM
Post: #1
How long is too long
Relationship question. Been split up about 15 months and ex is with someone but not full time (IE they live in different countries) Many say that it will come back. Sometimes I think I could easily go back but at other times I think over a year is simply too long. Sometimes I feel annoyed at what she did and at other times understand the need for the break in the relationship. Do people on here put a time limit on their old relationships coming back. I am in constant contact with ex (as we have a child) but I am wondering if the realisation comes before the prediction. Anyone been through similar I would love to hear your thoughts.
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11-04-2012, 10:28 AM
Post: #2
RE: How long is too long
(11-04-2012 10:06 AM)yourexiscomingbackhonest Wrote:  Relationship question. Been split up about 15 months and ex is with someone but not full time (IE they live in different countries) Many say that it will come back. Sometimes I think I could easily go back but at other times I think over a year is simply too long. Sometimes I feel annoyed at what she did and at other times understand the need for the break in the relationship. Do people on here put a time limit on their old relationships coming back. I am in constant contact with ex (as we have a child) but I am wondering if the realisation comes before the prediction. Anyone been through similar I would love to hear your thoughts.

Each situation is different..mine is a case of right person wrong time..so circling predictions and events..now learning not to be caught in circles but accept/surrender it and taking Gayle Maries telling off of putting my life on hold, I've been busy building a company in a recession, but it dawned on me I haven't had much fun..so addressing this now.
It is individual. as to how long.. but the question is also on any detriment to health ...but my concern for you..is you feel as though there is alot of pain..and this is perhaps leaking into your perceptions of life..(no criticism here lol). It may be useful to assume it is over..even for a short break of time..to give your self some time to heal and rediscover joy again..as from a stronger place in your self and a happier view of life..things will form their own clarity..that is perhaps not distorted by understandable grief, frustration anger..
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11-04-2012, 10:37 AM
Post: #3
RE: How long is too long
I don't think you can put a time on something like this.

If you cut out all the external crap that distracts you and you look at the situation as it is, you know yourself if there is any potential for that situation to change.

Time limits eveything for happening at the right pace.

Equally if you look at something and the feeling isn't there, then you know to move on or adapt a different style of relationship if needs be (kids etc)
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11-04-2012, 10:43 AM
Post: #4
RE: How long is too long
I have tried soo many times to put a time limit on my ex but love doesn't work like that in my experience. To give an example my BF broke with her what she thought was "the one" in Feb she moved on in April now either people r very different or my take on it is he wasn't "the one" especially as she recently admitted he told her he didn't love her, crushing & awful but he left her in no illusion about the relationship having any future. So from my relationship drama which she obviously knows inside out I said to her he wasn't "the one" & if they truly exist then she has yet to find him & that's a positive thing & although I hate her ex now for hurting her I'm happy she is going to hopefully find the real thing soon. Back to point as rambling sorry I know for soo long now I can't move on, is this the ridiculous connection, his stupid actions keeping me hanging, lack of any closure or is it just true unconditional love that can never be broken, my biggest fear is I am never going to be able to move on I seem incapable of doing so. The advice I gave BF when things headed south in her's was for god sake don't leave it hanging say what u need to say no matter how hard that is & get your answers don't leave it open ended & become like me well & truly stuck in limbo land! Don't leave urself with what ifs & if only I had, life is too short, I hate the thought that there r soo many out there just like me it's horrible :-(
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11-04-2012, 10:43 AM
Post: #5
RE: How long is too long
I think only you can answer this one YEICBH. Usually when you ask the question it has within it the answer, if that makes sense. Every case is different and only you know what it means to you. Best of luck xx
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11-04-2012, 10:59 AM
Post: #6
RE: How long is too long
Yourexiscomingbackhonest, I have had a similar situation as you in that I also have a child with my son's dad and when we split I still loved him but had to leave because of his controlling and manipulative behaviour. When we split it took me nearly 4 years to get over him because I went through all the emotions of grieving for him and because we also had a child together, I found it hard to accept that we couldn't be together. He also moved on quite quickly and met someone a month or so after we split. She was always with him when he came to pick up our son and I had to watch them move in together, get engaged, get married and have a child together while trying to accept he wasn't coming back.

It was late last year, after 4 years, that I realised I didn't want him back. As the others have said you can't put a time limit on it and I think when a child is involved and you still have to have contact it can make it even more difficult to move on. Just take each day as it comes and things will eventually get better in there own time. Don't feel you have to put a time limit on this as you don't, it's your life and only you know how much time you'll need to deal with this x
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11-04-2012, 11:16 AM
Post: #7
RE: How long is too long
such brilliant advice from everyone thanks so much. It obviously hurts when I see them together but the feelings for ex are still there. The hurt is easier to deal with and Jen C saw the dwindling of the present relationship, perhaps that reading in the long term was not helpful.
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11-04-2012, 11:21 AM
Post: #8
RE: How long is too long
I know how you feel, as I was crushed for a long time when I saw my son's dad with his new partner but eventually that subsided and didn't bother me after a while. Things will get better, I know it's easier said than done but I know from experience. Feel free to PM me if you need to chat x
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11-04-2012, 11:26 AM
Post: #9
RE: How long is too long
Earth Angel I really appreciate your comments
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11-04-2012, 11:34 AM
Post: #10
RE: How long is too long
(11-04-2012 11:26 AM)yourexiscomingbackhonest Wrote:  Earth Angel I really appreciate your comments

No problem, anytime Smile x
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