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In order to love you must fall in love first...with yourself
27-04-2012, 12:32 AM
Post: #1
In order to love you must fall in love first...with yourself
I wrote this on a blog last year and feel inspired to post it on here.
Have any of your readers told you that in order for you to find love, you must have love for yourself. I know that Anne Scholes, Liz, and Karina say this, but I wanted to share a little of my story to see if it helps anyone feeling down tonight...............

I hear a quote from the Mayan Grandfather Alejandro that; “the very walls we see falling around us are only the walls that kept us in prison. We should be excited, rejoice and give joy to step out.” It makes me think not only of what illusions I was under and how free I am now, but gives me huge compassion for the strong souls whose walls are falling down, but have not yet found anyone to explain why. These days I look in admiration at those people who are suffering because I see the wise strong soul that resides and I wish them a wake up so that they can see who they really are.

About 18 months ago I damaged probably the best relationship I ever had because I was afraid of being hurt. I always thought he was too good for me, and expected him to end it. The fear was so Paramount , the worry of being hurt was so huge that I ended it. I didn't occur to me that he might just like me.............. This fear lives in what many call the EGO. Ego's job is to hold on to fear and frustration and worry and anger. Ego is a toddler who is craves attention and love and will seek new ways to demand it. The break up pushed me into an awakening and I realised that to release Ego and live in spirit I must not chastise ego but comfort and love her so she softly quietens and sleeps. My experience lead me to write my first article - A Lullaby For Ego which became the cover story for an American metaphysical journal. Sue Hudd, an English psychic also dedicated part of her TV show on psychic and soul to the lessons taught in the article.

I certainly blessed the man that got away, he had taught me many valuable lessons. Through the pain of losing I saw his true shining spirit, I saw my true self, I saw that I was worthy of love. As the walls around me collapse I saw what I was actually capable of, and I am humbled to say, that I was given an opportunity to express unconditional love not only to my ex, but for myself. The pain released so much for me.

Just after Christmas that year, I began a fresh new friendship with my ex. Its was so wonderful to be talking after missing him for so long. But I pushed too hard for a relationship and off he went again. This time I let him go and continued to send unconditional love to us both. I knew he would come back, but I got on with my life and everytime I had a good day I would just imagine all the great things I would have to say to him when he came back. Just 2 short months later we were back together ......and now we are happier than ever. Strong and in love. My dreams certainly came true.


When I told friends they slammed me with negativity saying that I should give a list of demands for him to live by if he wants to be in my life again. This is where I saw a real change in myself. I was free from the good opinions of others – I was able to calmly and gently say – Love knows no demands, nor needs. Love is love and exists only in love.

I am profoundly and unconditionally in love with me first as that is my natural being. Therefore, I can allow another to be who they chose to be in the present time. I can gift them the space to be themselves and allow them to make discoveries by themselves and see them as a perfect reflection of who they are. It is in the surrender that the changes happen. I do not worry about the future as it is the present that counts, if we take good tender care of that, then the future will fall into place. Unconditional love means allowing someone to be in all their glory, in their entire journey and wishing them nothing but happiness and joy.

I cannot demand another being to open up no more than I can demand a rose bud to flower. They will when the time and conditions are right. My job, my only job is to be love and the love that flows from this will hopefully inspire the people around me, and I will be joyful at their awakenings, no matter how long and perfect that takes. My friends think I have lost the plot and that amuses me. I am happy to be loving me.

Hope that helps someone. xxxx
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27-04-2012, 11:11 AM
Post: #2
RE: In order to love you must fall in love first...with yourself
It's very true. that in order for another to love you in the way you need or want to be loved you have to first love yourself.

My relationships go pear shaped because of the type of bloke I am attracted to. It took me a while to realise that it wasn't the type of bloke I was attracting, but who I was attracted to that was the problem. And that in itself is liberating.

I think the hardest part of life is accepting yourself for who you are, as opposed to wanting to be different... and when we have expectations on ourselves in regards to change, then we end up imposing those on the people around us too. Without realising that in order to accept others, we have to accept ourselves, and in order to have the type of relationship we want, we have to first know what that is, and that comes from the journey of self discovery.

Last year I attracted a guy who was everything I thought I wanted. He had all of the traits and characteristics I had listed... honestly, he was everything on my rather HUGE list... but the spark wasn't there and it never went from the friends stage. I don't regret it, because I know it wasn't right for me. Sometimes what we think we want and we really want are two very different things, along with what we think we need and what we really need.

Its true that love can Conquer all, but at the same time, Love is not always enough. I know that myself in past relationships, that sometimes love is not enough because relationships are composed of so much more than just love, and when other components within the relationship go wrong, then it's not always true that Love can conquer all...

However... when you are with the right person, when you have met the one you know you are meant to be with without question, then love really does conquer all... and sometimes we can be blinded by the ego to see that the person we might be holding onto is not the right one for us... or sometimes they are the right one and we just have to give it time.

I am happily single at the minute..... I believe so strongly that until we can be happy on our own, can find our own happiness outside of a relationship, we can never be happy within a relationship.... I know what I like and want in a man and in a relationship and will not settle for anything less than that. I know my own self worth, and know that I deserve everything I want... and I also know that I WILL get it when the time is right... in the mean time, I carve out my own life.

Life is a shipwreck but we must not forget to sing in the lifeboats. ~Voltaire
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27-04-2012, 11:56 AM
Post: #3
RE: In order to love you must fall in love first...with yourself
Thts so nice to hear and i hope i get there soon. Im not really sure where i am at the moment but its great to hear all the good stuff :-)) xx
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27-04-2012, 02:23 PM
Post: #4
RE: In order to love you must fall in love first...with yourself
I have always believed this. In order to be happy you have to be able to love yourself- even the parts that need working on and that you must never put your happiness in the hands of another because you are sure to be disappointed. Love yourself & miracles will happen xx
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27-04-2012, 04:41 PM
Post: #5
RE: In order to love you must fall in love first...with yourself
Angel eyes, how lovely. Thank you for posting x
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27-04-2012, 05:13 PM
Post: #6
RE: In order to love you must fall in love first...with yourself
Angel Eyes and Icemaiden, great posts and lots to think about. I can't say that I do truely love myself as my self confidence is low and has been for as long as I can remember. Having said that I do enjoy spending time on my own and don't feel that I have to have someone else to validate me. Although I doubt myself sometimes, I do believe that spirit will ensure that the right person for me will come along when it's the right time and in the meantime I am concentrating on being a mum and learning to love who I am.
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