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Screw Everything — I’m Becoming a Witch
13-10-2019, 07:37 AM
Post: #1
Screw Everything — I’m Becoming a Witch
There’s no better place to be a witch than in San Francisco, except maybe Oakland. There’s no better time to be a witch than now, when the world seems so out of control that people are searching for something — anything — to ground them.
Before I became a witch, I suffered from four years of severe depressive episodes and panic attacks. I started to see a psychiatrist. Soon pills filled my drawers and medicine cabinets, rattling in every purse I owned. Prozac, Xanax, Ambien, Trazodone, Lexapro, Wellbutrin, Cymbalta, Loestrin, Vicodin — none of them took the tidal waves of morbid thoughts out of my veins.
I was a drug addict, an imposter moving through the world with a fake smile and just enough black eyeliner to mask the bags from self-medication, driven by fear and loathing of myself. My brain stopped working in a healthy way, leading to bouts of bedridden days and pill-popping writing sessions so I could feel like my “dangerous” self again. I became depressed even when holding my guitar because each chord, and every melody, brought me pain.
I considered overdosing on the pharmacy’s worth of pills I had, peacefully nodding off in the bathtub while listening to my favorite band, Green Day. The idea of doing so became so close to reality that I couldn’t get it off my mind. Then I thought about the movie Fight Club. I’d always related to the cool side of the narrator. But really, I was the boring side. Tyler Durden once said, “Losing all hope is freedom.” But what did freedom look like? Was it therapy? A job? A doctor? Was it becoming a witch?
I had to connect with something, or I’d definitely become unhinged, untethered from the ground like a person with a balloon for a head. But instead of floating into the atmosphere and turning to my familiar friend, self-destruction, I went to Ravens Wing Magical Co. in Oakland for an after-work seance of my own spirit.
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